Georgia was really nervous about meeting her boyfriend's three-year-old daughter for the first time.
Her boyfriend was too.
"I can remember the absolute nervous wreck that he was, but I also remember the sigh of relief once he saw us interact and get along so well," says the 28-year-old from Ipswich, west of Brisbane, reflecting on the meeting three years ago.
"She apparently had said to him, 'I love her. I want to take her home'."
Becoming a stepmother was off to a great start for Georgia, who asked we don't include her surname. But harder times were ahead.
She became pregnant a month later. And despite Georgia's stepdaughter loving her new baby brother, shortly after his birth she began to withdraw.
"It would just be little moments here and there. There were more comments about, 'You are not my parent', or, 'You're not my mother'.
'No road map' to being a stepmum
Georgia's hardly perpetuating the "evil stepmother" trope, but it doesn't mean things are easy.
Bailey Oliver Blackburn is an associate professor from the University of Arkansas, who researches stepfamilies. She is also a stepmum and stepdaughter.
She says there is no "road map" for step-parenting, and a common mistake is assuming it will be easy.
"A lot of times stepmums have met their future step kids when they were dating and the step kid liked them. They had things in common. There wasn't a lot of resistance."
When the relationship suddenly changes, Dr Oliver Blackburn says "people are [confronted] with, 'Oh, this is not what I expected. Maybe I am doing something wrong'.'"
According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies, in 2021, 12 per cent of families were either step or blended, up from 6.5 per cent in 2011.
Feeling unseen as a stepmum
Maree, not her real name, was enjoying life alone with her dog and veggie patch until someone came along and "changed everything".
She was in her 30s when she met her now-husband online. He was up-front about having two teenagers.
Because their father had fairly recently separated from their mother, Maree, from regional Victoria, says the kids were still finding their feet.
"I very clearly remember the first meeting with both of the kids. It was a Sunday afternoon, my stepson was on his PlayStation and I think I got a 'Hi'."
Maree moved in after about a year of dating and says her husband described becoming a stepmother as "driving a Lamborghini that's going 250kph and you don't know how to drive".
"I'd gone from this little bubble, I was just on my own.
"I had control of this environment, and suddenly there's one man who loves me, and then two teenagers who are full of opinions in general, but also opinions about me and about what I do and how I do it."
Maree says there have been many moments when she has felt like a failure as a stepmum. But also unseen, even now her stepchildren are adults.
"In the household I always did, and always have, provided the kinkeeping [maintaining family relationships and bonds]. Anytime there's an event, Christmas, birthdays — that is me.
"And it's very rarely recognised by the older two."
Maree says having her own biological daughter has really highlighted the difference between parenting and step-parenting.
"This is so much easier because I can go at the pace of our youngest daughter.
"But also, I am putting the ingredients in as we are kind of building, growing.
"Suddenly becoming a stepmum to a couple of teenagers, you don't have the background, you don't have the ingredients."
'You're an important part of this family'
Building a friendship with the children is one of the key things a stepmum can try to do, says Dr Oliver Blackburn.
"You want to spend quality time with your stepkid. You want to ask them what they're interested in, show you're interested in learning more about them.
"Find activities and hobbies that you share that you like doing, and hopefully that friendship will eventually turn into, 'This is not just a friend, but this is my supporter'.'"
From there, she says it can transition into "they're not just my supporter, they're my protector, and they're my parent".
"But you can't start there."
Dr Oliver Blackburn says it's helpful to avoid assuming the role of disciplinarian, but there are times you may need to step up.
For example, if you see something concerning, you can communicate with the "bio parent" about addressing whatever is going on.
"Let the bio parent take the lead, but you still have a voice in communicating what those things are to your partner," Dr Oliver Blackburn says.
The relationship between the step-parent and biological parent is "so important", she explains.
"If you can build a strong relationship with your partner, that is going to positively spill over into your relationship with your stepchild.
"That oftentimes means that there needs to be some kind of labour on your partner's side when it comes to validating you in front of the stepchild that you're an important part of this family."
Georgia says her family was able to work through the distance between her and her stepdaughter.
"[My stepdaughter] started to say she loved me again.
"She made me a painting and that was the first time she's ever really made me something.
"That was a really huge thing."
