It’s a huge job raising young kids today, but with the rise of the 'your body, my choice' rhetoric, some of us might be wondering what we can do to raise boys who go on to become healthy, thriving men.
According to recent analysis there was a 4,600 per cent increase in mentions of the trending phrase on X and a similar spike in calls to "get back in the kitchen", all within 24 hours after Donald Trump's win.
While some studies link the way we raise our children to future mental health outcomes – particularly when childhood abuse or neglect is involved – it's difficult to prove that raising boys in a positive, healthy way will guarantee they won't become violent, explains Deanne Carson, CEO of Body Safety Australia.
Zac Seidler, the global director of research at mental health organisation Movember, says research on outcomes for boys is scant, because "cultural narratives are typically geared towards looking out for risk, rather than exploring what helps [boys and men] thrive".
But we know from recent data that almost 40 per cent of young men today feel pressured to conform to certain rules, such as acting strong or fighting back in order to behave like a 'real man'. Thirty-four per cent feel society expects them to 'use violence to get respect if necessary'.
So what's the good news?
Well, there are things we can do as parents and adults to nurture little boys in our lives and help them recognise toxic attitudes they'll be exposed to, particularly on social media.
"We see children in their joy and their generosity and their kindness. I think that if we can be deliberate in retaining those qualities in children as they grow, we can really inoculate them against some of the negative messaging as they get older," Ms Carson says.
We spoke to three experts to find out what some of the most powerful things we can do as parents, carers, grandparents and educators are for young boys today.
Here are four of the big ones.
Understand what typical boy behaviours are – and don't try to fix them all
Ms Carson says it's developmentally normal for young boys to hit out in frustration, be more physical on the playground or to have poor impulse control.
But if we help them understand "other people's bodies belong to them" and it's ok if they don't get their way, they will become more confident.
"We're really giving them skills that they'll need for their relationships when they're older," she says.
Dr Seidler says there's a huge role parents can play in shaping what matters to young boys, without telling them how they should act.
He says young boys' "rambunctious" behaviour and the way they interact with peers often leads to "tenderness and intimacy". It's vital we find a way to understand it.
Dr Billy Garvey, a senior developmental paediatrician and founder of Guiding Growing Minds, agrees. He says instead of aiming for compliance, we should be aiming to form healthy relationships.
That includes modelling what healthy intimacy and affection is in relationships with our partner, family and friends.
"We know the adult mental illness rates are horrific and that multi-generational trauma and cycling is really hard to break, but it is breakable, and that's the beautiful thing," he says.
Emotions are healthy – support them (and look after yourself, too!)
It's easy to get frustrated and angry with our kids for having a tantrum, talking back to us and displaying a range of emotions.
Finding our own calm before supporting our kids is the first step, says Dr Garvey. Otherwise, we're "adding fuel to the fire".
"If we can show them that unconditional love and support exists and we will face things together with them, then they become adults that expect that from their relationships — and also give that to the ones that they're a part of," he says.
Boys often don't talk about their feelings and they push down challenging emotions, Dr Garvey says.
When they do express themselves, they're often told that "boys don't cry" or they're "being a girl".
Ms Carson says we all have internalised messaging we perpetuate in our parenting, but by stopping and admitting when we're at fault, we can make a big difference.
"Coming back to the conversation with your child is really, really important, even if it means apologising to them and saying, 'I'm sorry. I said don't be a girl. Stop crying. But actually, that was the wrong message to give you. And I could see that you're upset, and I'm here to talk about it'," Ms Carson says.
And as Dr Seidler explains, choosing the right moment to talk to your boy can make a big difference.
"The time to sit down and have a discussion with your six-year-old boy is not when he's at his highest intensity, it's finding ways with him in those quieter moments to work out what it is that he requires," he says.
Spend screen time together — and share ideas
As Ms Carson says, we're never going to be completely ahead of everything that comes up in the social media cycle, but the best thing we can do as parents of early childhood and primary school boys is ensure they can recognise toxic attitudes in the media they consume.
"It can be so tempting to give them an iPad to let them watch their programs, but actually sit down and watch Bluey with them and tell them why the values in Bluey match your family values, or if you're watching a movie or a TV show and something does stand out to you as being a bit sexist or racist, actually explain that. Don't be afraid of these hard conversations," she explains.
"If you think that these issues are teenage issues, they're not. Please talk to your children. And I think nine to 12 is the sweet spot to do that."
Dr Seidler agrees. He says asking lots of questions is a great way to engage them in healthy conversations, but you need to "park your own biases and emotions" and aim for "openness, curiosity, and your own discomfort".
He wants us to ask our boys the following questions: "What are you watching? Why are you watching it? What does it make you feel? What do you like about it? Is there anything you don't like about it?"
Build up their sense of self-worth
This is a big one, Dr Garvey explains. He says the most important thing we can do as parents is "celebrate" our kids.
"I think that we get caught in these cycles of we've just got to get through the day and you've got to do your homework … But none of us have kids for that reason. We have them because we want to give someone this beautiful life," he says.
"They have a voice, they can disagree, they can have a say, and that's from toddlers to teens."
Ms Carson says building "really strong self-worth, right from birth" is not about ego.
"I'm not talking about telling little boys how great they are, or how strong they are, or how handsome they are, I'm talking about really helping them understand their value as a human being, so that as they face adversity, as they get older, they're not externalising. They're not looking for someone to blame. They're not looking to blame feminism for all of the problems that they face."
Dr Seidler says little boys are simply good men waiting to flourish, and we need to offer them the space, love and warmth to do that.
"Offer them the skill set to practice all of these different things. Do not box them in. Fundamentally, that is the way to success," he says.
